please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
