I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
