is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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