just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
They left me at home... I'm a liability
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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