My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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