i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
