she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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