The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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