last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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