I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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