Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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