Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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