My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
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