i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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