Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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