My sheets look like a crime scene.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
