I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
