tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
