Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
3pm strippers are depressing
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
