twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
