Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
