Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
