Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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