is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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