made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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