Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
