My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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