i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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