i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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