I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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