a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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