K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
