If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
