I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
