My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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