You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
