I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
