when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
