Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
