i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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