Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
