I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize