her vagine was all disorganized.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
