So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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