So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
