The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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