can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
