I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
