I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize