Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
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