And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Less talking, more tequila
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
