Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
