CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
