I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
