Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
