That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
