this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
