This is not my ceiling
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
