So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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