You work out of a Hotel?
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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