I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
